The cat was a bastard and started meowing for food before 5a.m. today. That's not terribly early (I get up somewhere between 5:10 and 5:30), but it was enough to throw off my whole day.
The coffee-maker hasn't been washed in 3 days, so I wasn't gonna risk one more brew - yuck. That meant waiting until 7:45 to get my caffeine fix. It was a LARGE McD's coffee kinda morning. And even with that, I still walked into the office feeling less than human.
If my body actually physically resembled the way I feel in the morning without coffee, I would look like something out of The Walking Dead. And then AMC would have to send me a cease and desist order and I'd be all "Merrrrr....Raaaaah" (cause I'd be a zombie, of course). No, its best that I only look that way in my head.
Its not just the lack of sleep that's got me down, though. Its a lot of things that pile up at this time of year: lack of sunlight, too much to do and not enough time, cold all the time. And this year has some extra special emotional landmines: this is the first holiday season since my mom's accident that left her paralyzed, first holidays since Grandma died, and of course the ever-present baggage I'm still carrying around from my last job and how that all ended.
Today, that last item is really bothering me. I found a bunch of deleted voicemails on my cell phone (sidebar: why does my phone *keep* deleted messages in a special "deleted" folder?? Just fucking dump them for God's sake!) - several of which were from the former head of my former department. Just thinking about those messages sends a chill down my spine and makes my stomach clench. And then, my phone was glitching so it wouldn't let me mass delete all those "deleted" messages. Its like the phone is intentionally being a metaphor for how I can't seem to totally mentally delete all the bullshit I was put through but want so desperately to get past. Well played phone, well played ::grumble::
Let's just blame PMS for my mood, because that's convenient and does not require that I try to solve any problems in order to feel better. Just wait for your hormones to shift in a friendlier direction and voila!
I hope I'm feeling less doom and gloom by Thursday. The Husband and I are hosting Thanksgiving for our families for the first time ever and I'm very excited! I actually love the holidays, so all this moping is cutting into my prancing and carol singing - really not cool.
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