I really wish the weather didn't impact my mood so much. This day is annoying enough without gray skies bringing me down. Its one of those days where every tasks sounds so simple, and then its anything but. And I can't figure out what the answers are because I don't understand what's wrong. That just keeps happening over and over today. It is so *frustrating*.
I'm used to working on a team of women who are like sisters to me. People who I can be very real with and be like "Am I just stupid? Because I'm not getting this." or "Is this actually a problem, or is this person just being obnoxiously picky and I can't make them happy?". There is nothing like that here. Not that I don't feel supported, not that people aren't friendly. But its not at all what I'm used to. So when something frustrates me, I don't have any of my old coping skills to fall back on. My co-workers *were* my coping mechanisms. Now what do I do? Just be frustrated until I figure this shit out I guess.
One positive thing I can say is this: Now that my interview with the investigation team looking into my old department is over, I think I can honestly say I'm tired of talking about what happened to me. Its so long, and stupid, and still unbelievable the things that were done, the things that were said, the way I was treated. And I'm just plain tired of reliving it. I didn't even cry during my 4 hour interview. I welled up once, but I didn't cry. I got good and mad though. I think that's progress, that I'm moving through the phases of processing my feelings and moving on. By the end of this year, I hope I don't give it a second thought. The people who hurt me don't deserve to make a lasting impression on me. They are petty, small people and I will not be weighed down by their memory.
Now to cheer myself out of this funk by listening to cheap, fluffy pop music...
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